


As You Are

by Musicania



Series: Jackbum Title Fics [4]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Debut Era, Idol AU, M/M, Self-Doubt, Song fic, more platonic fluff, this is just me being soft for Jackson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 19:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20031100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: Jackson had a bad habit of reading negative comments about himself when he was feeling insecure. Jaebum was there to remind him why he was perfect just the way he was.





	As You Are

**Author's Note:**

> New Readers: If you want you can find out more about this series and get caught up on previous works [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069)
> 
> This fic is based off of 'Just Right' which was released in July 2015 off their album also titled Just Right.

Jackson was reading hate comments again. 

Jaebum had just arrived back at the dorm from a meeting with JYP and Got7's management team—the joys of being the leader—and he immediately noticed Jackson sitting curled in a chair in the corner of the living room, phone in hand. Jaebum supposed he could have been doing anything, but Jaebum just _knew_ he was reading those comments again. He knew it in the slight frown between Jackson's brows. He knew it in the way Jackson was chewing slightly on his lower lip. He knew it in the way Jackson's leg bounced in agitation. 

Jaebum fought off the urge to grab Jackson’s phone and throw it across the room to prevent Jackson from doing this to himself again. He’d only done it two or three times that Jaebum knew about but there were moments when Jackson was struggling, where he felt like nothing he was doing was right, when he turned to the internet, almost as if he was searching for people who would prove those feelings were right, who would prove to Jackson that he _wasn’t_ good enough. 

Unfortunately Jaebum knew he would find no shortage of those opinions on the internet. He also knew Jackson could find plenty of opinions opposing those ideas from people who supported him, but for Jackson the voices that praised him were never as loud as the ones that cut him down.

Well, Jaebum supposed that was true for just about everyone. Which was why he never understood why people threw hate around so much more frequently than love. Why people rarely took the time to comment things they liked or appreciated but had seemingly all the time in the world to go into great detail about all the reasons they hated it. 

Jaebum took a step closer to go and distract him but Nora did it for him, jumping up and trying to bite a sticker that was peeling off Jackson's phone case. Jackson looked started but a small smile spread across his face as he shoved his phone in between his thigh and the cushion and grabbed the cat on his lap, some of the tension leaving his eyes and shoulders as he pulled her close. It wasn’t enough, Jaebum knew that he’d still need to check in with Jackson at some point, but it was enough of a distraction for Jaebum to make his way into the kitchen to find something to eat.

There was a bowl covered with a plate that had a sticky note with his name on it in the fridge that some kind soul had saved for him. Probably Mark or Yugyeom though when he lifted the lid and saw the simplicity of the dish and the rough chopping he suspected Yugyeom. He heated it up before collapsing at the kitchen table, muscles sore from comeback schedules and weary from long days. He pulled out his phone and was tempted to read the comments on their performances or music videos or on the Got7 twitter page. He tried not to, tried not to get sucked into that hole filled with people’s opinions but he admitted to himself that it was tempting. Especially if his guess was right and that was what Jackson was looking at. He needed to know what he was up against, what kind of damage he’d have to help Jackson undo.

He had a few bites left when a voice interrupted his thoughts. "Hyung, the shower is free." 

Jaebum looked up to see Jinyoung standing over him, a towel loosely covering his dripping hair. 

Jaebum wanted to talk to Jackson but being able to shower before the hot water ran out was too tempting for his sore muscles to resist. 

He shoved the rest of his food in his mouth, leaving the dishes in the sink for later. He checked that Jackson was okay and left him talking with Youngjae. As long as Jackson was still with someone, he’d be okay. It was when he was left alone that his insecurities attacked. 

While in the shower Jaebum planned out his strategy for how to talk to Jackson about what was bothering him. Out of all of his members Jackson was the hardest to get to fully open up. He wasn’t really the type of person to reach out for help when he needed it. He didn’t like to ‘bother’ other people with his problems. Jackson would whine endlessly about small things—like Jaebum asking Jackson to call him hyung—but things that really mattered to Jackson were a different story. It wasn’t that he wasn’t willing to open up about it, but Jaebum learned that you had to ask the right way and make it clear that Jackson couldn’t shrug it off with a joke because he didn’t want to talk about it. He’d gotten much better at opening up, especially to Jaebum, but depending on how serious Jackson thought the issue was it could still be challenging to get it out of him.

Jackson was one of the strongest people that Jaebum had ever met; he gave up a successful career in junior fencing to move to another country, alone and at seventeen, to pursue his dream without a single indication that he’d end up being successful at it. Jaebum wouldn't have been brave enough to have even considered that, nevermind have the strength of character needed to go through the trainee process on top of continuing school, learning a new language and culture all without having the support system of family and friends he’d left behind at home. Jaebum would _never_ say that Jackson was not a strong person. But even the strongest of people needed someone to ask them if they were okay. Even the strongest people needed someone to prop them up again when they stumbled.

When he returned to the living room half an hour later he noticed the glaring absence immediately. “Where is Jackson?”

“He had a headache,” Jinyoung said, looking worried. “I told him to go to bed early.”

Jaebum nodded, not surprised to hear that. Jaebum tracked down Mark—which honestly didn’t take that long given that their dorm was the size of a shoebox—and asked if the oldest wouldn’t mind switching rooms for the night. Mark gave Jaebum a weird look but agreed easily enough, Jaebum grateful he didn’t feel the need to ask why. He knew that if the members found out Jackson was doubting himself that all of them would storm into Jackson’s room and would smother him with every single way that Jackson was amazing. 

But Jaebum wasn’t sure Jackson needed that at the moment. Jackson didn’t need to be told he was amazing, he needed someone to explain to him why he wasn’t awful. 

He grabbed everything he could find that had chocolate in it from the kitchen made sure to let Youngjae know that Mark would be rooming with him for the night before entering Jackson’s room. The room was dark but the orange glow from the streetlight outside the window bled through the cheap curtains well enough to illuminate Jackson’s figure curled in a ball on his bed. 

“Move over Sseun-ah” Jaebum said gently, sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk Jackson used. 

Jackson turned to look at him. “Jaebum-hyung? What are you doing here?” He asked as he shuffled closer to the wall, giving Jaebum space to lie down next to him.

Jaebum didn’t answer until he’d set the snacks between them, blindly grabbed a pillow from behind Jackson and laid down on his side, ensuring that he could see Jackson’s face. “What did you read online?” He asked quietly.

Jackson kept his face blank for a moment before his expression collapsed into something that was a heartbreaking mix of guilt and shame. “How do you know about that?” He asked quietly.

“Just a hunch.” Jaebum answered honestly. “Am I wrong?”

Jackson sighed and rolled over so that he was fully facing Jaebum. “No.” He murmured.

“Tell me about it.” Jaebum asked gently. 

Jackson shifted again, sitting up this time, moving so he was leaning against the headboard and grabbing the bag of chocolate covered pretzels Jaebum had brought along. “I don’t want to,” He confessed. “I know it’s stupid. I know I shouldn’t have done it. I know that I shouldn’t take it so seriously.”

“And yet you’re sitting here by yourself in the dark.” 

Jackson looked guilty. “I didn’t want to drag down the mood out there.”

Jaebum wished that Jackson would think of himself with the same care and consideration that he thought of the other six members. 

But then he wouldn’t be the same Jackson that Jaebum knew and loved if he did.

“What did you read?” Jaebum asked again, rolling onto his back and looking up at Jackson. “What hit you the hardest?”

Jacked stared at the pretzels for another minute before opening the bag and shoving two in his mouth, the loud crunching filling the small space. “They say I bring down Got7. That it would have been better if I hadn’t debuted with you guys.”

God Jaebum hated humans sometimes. How dare they? How dare they use words that were so destructive to someone’s self-esteem? Someone’s self-worth? Not that Jackson’s entire identity was tied into being a member of Got7 but to be told that people were better off without you is a horrific thing for someone to read about themselves.

He simply hummed in acknowledgment though, trying not to let his anger show even though he was _livid_. His anger wouldn’t help and Jackson didn’t need anger so Jaebum pushed it down and bit his tongue to avoid going on a rant as to why some people shouldn’t be allowed on the internet. 

“They say that I can’t rap.” Jackson continued, nibbling the chocolate coating off another pretzel.

Jackson was, admittedly, not going to be awarded any Rapper of the Year titles anytime soon, but he was far from terrible. “Do you remember what you were like when you first started?”

Jackson glared down at Jaebum. “I thought you were here to try and make me feel better?”

Jaebum chuckled. “Do you have any idea how far you’ve come since then? Not to mention your Korean. You haven't asked me what a word meant in ages."

Jackson seemed to deflate. "So they're right?"

"Of course they aren't." Jaebum replied firmly. "But it's not simply about being able to rap for you. It's about learning an entirely new language—your third I should point out—and then figure out how to arrange the syllabic structure of that language to add emphasis and attitude. That's not an easy thing to do Jackson."

"But I've been learning Korean for almost three years now. Shouldn't I be better at it?"

"You are." Jaebum said. "I've been learning English from you and Mark for three years now, do you think I'm ready to release some English music?"

Jackson surprised Jaebum by chuckling. "I think your English is honestly getting worse."

Jaebum smiled, reaching out and gently pinching Jackson's side. "It has not."

Jackson laughed again, relaxing a little more against the bed frame. 

"Will you be winning any underground Rap Battles in the near future?" Jaebum asked. "Probably not, no. But you get up every single day and study from the Korean books I know you still keep under your bed. You go to JYP and you work with the staff and practice on your own every single day because you want to get better. And you _have_. And if you don't believe me I'm going to find one of the teachers who has a recording of you when you first got here and prove you to how much better you've gotten."

"For the love of God please do not do that." Jackson said flatly. 

"Then don't let yourself believe you're a bad rapper. You _aren't_. You work hard every single day to make sure that's not true and I won't let strangers who don't see that belittle your talents or your efforts. I am thrilled to have you on the rapline in this group." Jaebum told him honestly. "You're voice is so unique and you have great instincts when it comes to music and with that is something you can't practice. I have every confidence that you'll be a great rapper one day."

Jackson didn’t answer, just chewed solemnly on another pretzel. 

Jaebum waited, suspecting that his rapping wasn’t the only thing on Jackson’s mind. 

“They say I’m too loud. That my personality is obnoxious.”

Jaebum couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out. “I’m sorry, can't help you with that one. Goodnight." He teased, faking like he was about to sit up and leave. 

"Hyung," Jackson whined, grabbing Jaebum's arm to stop him from leaving.

Jaebum covered Jackson's hand with his own and squeezed before laying back down again with a chuckle. "Do you hear not the others right now?” He asked, pointing to the other side of the room at the wall that Jackson’s and Mark’s room shared with the living room. At the moment they could hear Bambam doing that Thai rap he loved through the thin wall, Mark and Jinyoung jumping in after a moment to tell him to shut up because Jackson had a headache and they were being too loud.

A fond smile slid across Jackson’s face.

“We’re _all_ too loud.” Jaebum said simply.

"But…I'm louder."

"Why is that a bad thing?" Jaebum asked. "Do you talk more than Mark does? Or Youngjae? Sure, no question. But why is that an insult? You also make me laugh more than Mark or Youngjae do. You ask me if I'm okay more than they do. You tell me your thoughts on my music." Jaebum said. 

"So I don't bother you guys?" Jackson asked in a small voice. 

"Of course you don't. It's the total opposite actually. You're our moodmaker. When you aren't with us, we feel like all the life has been sucked out of us. We _need_ you, just as you are." Jaebum explained. 

“Are you sure?” Jackson whispered.

“Yes.” Jaebum said firmly. “Do you ham it up a little on variety shows? No doubt, but for every person who finds that persona of yours annoying there are two more who love it, who love _you_, who google your name to see who you are and who find Got7 because of that.” Jaebum paused. “I’m sorry that to promote this group you have to expose yourself to people who think they know enough about you to say such terrible things."

Jackson shook his head. “No, don’t apologize for that. I like doing variety shows. It’s fun to get to meet new people and try all kinds of new things. I just… Sometimes it’s hard to turn it off once the cameras are gone. I just worry that I might bother you sometimes.”

“You don’t. So relax and stop worrying.” Jaebum assured him. 

Jackson opened his mouth to say something else but closed it again, eyes on the pretzel bag in his lap.

“Sseun-ah, what is it?” Jaebum coaxed softly.

Jackson took another few seconds before admitting in a small voice, “They said that I'm ugly." 

Jaebum’s heart ached. His appearance had always been an insecurity for Jackson; his legs were too short; his thighs were too big; his cheeks were too chubby. Jaebum honestly couldn’t figure out why because he personally thought Jackson was stunning. His features were unique and so versatile that he could literally pull off anything. He could probably wear a garbage bag and still look amazing.

_"Ugly?"_ Jaebum asked incredulously. "Who said our Wild and Sexy Jackson Wang is ugly?"

"Oh my god shut up." Jackson begged. It was too dark to tell clearly but Jaebum was pretty sure Jackson was blushing. He was also fighting a smile.

Jaebum just smiled up at him. "Jackson you're beautiful."

Jackson's smile slipped. "I'm not. Not like Mark is. Or Jinyoung." He glanced down at where Jaebum was lying next to him. "Or you."

Jaebum shook his head. "Jackson I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." He said somewhat wistfully. 

"What way is that?" Jackson whispered. 

“I see an incredible person, inside and out. As much as I tease about you being Wild and Sexy, you really are effortlessly attractive. Even when you’re unshaven, wearing your glasses you hate for a reason I haven’t been able to figure out yet and wearing clothes you pulled off your floor because it’s laundry day and nothing you own is clean you _still_ somehow manage to look good.”

That got a small smile out of Jackson.

“But beyond that, you’re an optimist. You make us believe that we can do anything, whether it’s another hour of dance rehearsal even when our legs are aching or making us believe that Got7 will be an international success one day. You believe that we can do it and your honestly and positive thinking is contagious and helps all of us.” Jaebum paused, trying to figure out where in the long list of things he loved about Jackson he should say next. “You care more about other people than you do yourself. You treat _everyone_ with respect and make everyone around you feel valued and important. You’re always able to make me laugh, _always_. You’re someone that I know I can depend on and will always be there if I need you for absolutely anything. You’re good at taking care of the maknaes and your hyungs and we love you for it. You’re dedicated to making yourself better and you never stop until you’ve achieved whatever goal you’ve set for yourself. Everyday you try it make yourself and the world around you better and I've honestly never met anyone else like you before. You make us all want to work harder, be better. For ourselves, but also for you. So we don't let you down either.” He paused, making sure Jackson was looked at him so he could see how serious Jaebum was. “You're not perfect, but you're perfect for Got7, for igot7 and for me."

Jackson looked away and subtly wiped his eyes. Jaebum pretended not to notice.

“I’m going to hug you.” Jackson warned, wrapping up the pretzel bag. “And you’re going to like it.”

Jaebum laughed and helped Jackson set the snacks on the floor before opening his arms and letting Jackson slot his body alongside his own, wrapping his arms around the rapper and holding him close.

“I love you hyung.” 

Jaebum smiled. “I love you too Jackson. _Please_ talk to me next time you have doubts about yourself. I know you better than the people on the internet do." 

"I try," Jackson promised. “Can you stay here tonight?” He asked after a minute, sounding tired.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Jaebum promised, pulling Jackson closer. "Not ever."

* * *

**Lyrics:**

Baby, you are just

Just right

Mirror, mirror please tell her

Scale, please tell her too

That she doesn't need to change anything

That she's pretty and perfect just as she is right now

Just be happy, don't worry

Don't look for your flaws

Instead of the mirror, just look into my eyes

Instead of the scale, just get on my back

No matter how much I take you apart

And look and look at you

I can't find that part of yourself

That you think isn't pretty

If you just stay

The way you are now

I want nothing more

So don't change anything

Don't worry about anything

Because I like everything about you

Don't change anything

About yourself

Just as you are (right now) oh (just as you are)

Oh (just as you are right now) just stay as you are

Everything about you is just right

So relax, stop worrying

You can believe what I'm saying 100%

So you can erase all of your worries 100%

No matter how much I take you apart

And look and look at you

I can't find that part of yourself

That you think isn't pretty

If you just stay

The way you are now

I want nothing more

So don't change anything

Don't worry about anything

Because I like everything about you

Don't change anything

About yourself

Just as you are (right now) oh (just as you are)

Oh (just as you are right now) just stay as you are

I'd find a flaw if there was even a flaw that I could see

You dazzle, you have nothing missing

Do you know how pretty you are in my eyes? I want you

Just as you are, you're the only one

I'd find a flaw if there was even a flaw that I could see

You dazzle, you have nothing missing

Do you know how pretty you are in my eyes? I want you

Just as you are, you're the only one

If you just stay

The way you are now

I want nothing more

So don't change anything

Don't worry about anything

Because I like everything about you

Don't change anything

About yourself

**Lyrics by:**

JYP "The Asian Soul"

**Author's Note:**

> So I originally wrote something ENTIRELY different which was heavier and more serious but every time I went back to keep writing I realized that I just didn't like it. I didn't want to commit to a serious topic if I didn't feel like I could do it justice so then I watched the music video and got in my Jackson feels and this happened. I wasn't sure about posting it though. While I like it I feel like this one just kind of scratches the surface of the lyrics and that I could have done so much more with them... Maybe I'll come back to this one and post something else later on.
> 
> Next fic will be If You Do. I actually already have about 80% of that one written so I might be able to finish it up and post it by this weekend!


End file.
